Family rules
chai the color of khaki pants in front of me
gray as the clouds yesterday when we were driving
silence lapping like waves
green rim of the cup, grassy hill outside
brown posts of the patio
slanted when you hemmed them last year.
Lazy crickets and excited birds.
The gulf between us: two seas in brackish water.
I hem, ahem, haw, um, shelling the peas in my mouth before spitting out
Hey, I wanted to tell you this
Buzzing, fly gently dies as it hits the wire net lining
this happened to me
The back of my throat
I love him
The window
Trust me.
Honey trap
Can I come home?
Caught
In the gulf between us
I feel closer to my immediate family now since I have become more comfortable expressing different parts of myself to them. I haven’t talked about relationships with them, but I have gained more confidence in expressing myself through fashion. As I get to know myself better, the openness translates into other aspects of my life as I share. To receive, one must give. My general confidence makes me feel more comfortable with them and inviting them into my life. I’m working on reconciling the divide between friend/family life. They are really the same since my friends are family and my family are friends. Feeling like there are boundaries on what I can say with family or friends; more open with friends than blood relations. Perhaps because the opinion of blood/immediate family is something you can’t shake; their eyes are watching. I think this is where a lot of anxiety comes from, from the implicit fear of their judgement or expectation. I don’t expect them, or anyone, to understand everything about me, but as long as they are supportive and trust me and my judgement, I feel loved and close to them.
To me, the definition of family is closely related to the definition of love. Family is another name for a support system, people who help me grow and I learn from. People who are non-judgemental, have my best interests at heart. People who make me feel safe. People who I am on the same wavelength with. All of these things are love. The people I love and care for are my family.
Nur is a Bangladeshi-American, a freshman at the College. Beyond writing poetry, they are also into bullet journaling and hope to infuse creativity into the everyday.