What are the pretty places you want to see?/ I step outside and the sun is warm/ there’s a light breeze/ fresh cut grass/ it smells like spring/ the bay of daffodils around the block has emerged from winter’s slumber and I see their pale yellow faces on my walk/ bright sunlight bounces off the snow/ I see it melt into muddy patches of spring/ I see people around me with joy and not with distrust/ I trust myself/ What does it feel like to live in a dream?/ I walk into the kitchen and my grandma brews me chai the way I like it without me asking/ I read poetry outside along the river and the birds sing along/ I peel an orange, the rind and pulp digging into my fingernails/ I grab chalk and write what I’m too scared to say/ in lavender, orange, lemon, lime, ruby red/ I tell my needs without feeling ashamed/ I learn to speak to you without embarrassment for not having the right words/ I become fluent in all the tongues of my past, present, future/ We make marzipan in your blender/ You give me a hug when we say goodnight/ I wake up and don’t think of all the people who have hurt me/ I write them out of the story and let myself breathe/ I decide not to talk to anyone for a day and let myself eat alone in the restaurant/ I eat three meals a day/ I go on a walk and call my friends even if it’s only for ten minutes/ I wake up at dawn and roam all the streets of the neighborhood/ the world slowly bathed in light/ I dance in the street/ my hair falls in loose waves and I feel/ content/ What’s the most beautiful version of your life (realistically)?/ my family gathered around the worn yellow dining room table, talking so much the walls cannot cradle anymore sound/ We share and swap/ clothes, secrets/ I have my friends’ go-to drink saved on my phone/ I go to the cafe and ask where you are so I can drop off the drink I got you just cause/ $5 large tangy mango smoothie/ I look at my body and I’m really proud of what I see/ I celebrate my wins and cry if I want to/ I buy myself flowers/ I light the three-wick soy lavender candle every night for a year/ I wear a chunky wool sweater as I read in the morning sunlight/ We go to the farmer’s market on Saturdays, browse the cheeses, have a picnic/ I find the cheese from Montserrat and don’t throw it out this time/ I lean over your shoulder/ to read off the same book as you/ I write you letters and we develop a language all our own/ I say hi to my neighbors/ We play just dance in your hotel room/ I host a party and feel like there’s a world beyond the four walls on the fourth floor/ the song stuck in my head plays from the speakers and you grab my hand and twirl me/ What feeling would you bottle up and save for later?/ adrenaline kick as the stage lights turn on and everyone cheers/ pink and effervescent/ I reach out to meet you & I hope you like me/ I melt into the tight hug that lingers after we pull away/ You take me out to visit our old high school after I left years ago/ I got on a train and never looked back/ and I end up having a fun time/ You help me shed my shell/ I open the blinds and smell the damp porch moon rain/ gulps of fresh air/ I laugh ‘til my sides hurt/ swinging on the playground/ I find an outfit that makes my eyes sparkle/ I find your favorite band’s poster and your eyes sparkle/ I enter a room and it feels like I’ve been there before/ I learn to feel at home wherever I am/ now/here/ if it isn’t me and you then who else would it be?
I Meet My Future Self and She Asks Me
in Poetry